Fart in Public

Breaking wind is a gift that we all possess, and in private we all secretly love our squeaking butts, pharrrrrp!!! Wow what a beauty! followed by the lovely aroma of rotting food.

We all have that uncle who when we were growing up asked us to pull his finger and as we pulled it he would let of a ripper, that would leave you holding your nose for the next five minutes. And the uncle who had to go to the E.R with 3^rd degree burns for trying to light his smelly tornado.

Farting in a public place is a different story though, it is a taboo that we have all had the humiliation of sharing, and even though we may be secretly proud of our little trouser explosion if anyone points the finger at us we will deny it until we are blue in the face.

Even if we do have a smug grin on our faces at the time.

Well according to them they don’t, they at birth have an anti-fart device inserted which stops them squeaking and producing the offensive aroma.

If you believe that you will believe anything, and contrary to popular belief even Oprah and the Queen of England vent their windy pops now and again.

Farting in School

It can be the making of you or it can be the breaking of you, at school you can become a hero amongst your peers if you have a double-jointed ass the louder and more potent the underground explosion the more of a hero you become, and if you can fart at will then you are a God in the eyes of all around you, if you only have a little squeak with very little smell then you will be relegated to Dork status.

The Deadly Silence

If you really want to make an impression that everyone will remember for a long time to come, the violent silent pump, is the most potent of all, no one has any idea where it came from but the smell burns the hairs on your nostrils and leaves you gagging, silence is golden but in this case a nuclear attack would be a lot easier to take.

Wet Farts

Are by far the most dangerous, they may not be very smelly but at the nearest possible moment in time you should go to the toilets and check that your underwear is still clean. Especially if you have suffered from diarrhoea recently.

Fart Fact

Cows produce so much methane when they fart that they are partly to blame for the hole in the ozone layer.

Smell you later!!!!!